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Pretty sure I seized the wrong day
No probllama
I see no good reason to act my age
Growing old is mandatory - Growing up is optional
Captain Awesome
I don't make mistakes - I date them
It's never too late to give up
This is what awesome looks like
You can either agree with me or not disagree
I'm not trying to be difficult, It's called talent
I may be wrong - But I doubt it
Don't blame yourself - Let me do it
No can do
I'm not like other kids, I'm in my 40s
Free shrugs
Have you tried turning it off and back on again
It seemed like a good idea at the time
Vegetarian is an old indian word for bad hunter
Bear with me
Alcohol you later
Why be difficult
But first coffee
Sheep mooing
I'm not as dumb as you look
Ew. People
May contain alcohol
Ladies, mansplaining is short for man explaining
Success trains failure complains
Chicks dig my high
Why be part of the problem
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