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Sit on my lap and call me santa
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You had me at ho ho ho
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$22.99
Well hung
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Naughty nice ish
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Where my ho ho ho's at?
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Santa doesn't believe in you either!
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I'm not santa, but you can sit on my lap anytime
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I may be wrong - But I doubt it
No probllama
Why be part of the problem
It's never too late to give up
This is what awesome looks like
Growing old is mandatory - Growing up is optional
I don't make mistakes - I date them
Vegetarian is an old indian word for bad hunter
Sheep mooing
You can either agree with me or not disagree
I'm not trying to be difficult, It's called talent
Bear with me
Who needs hair with a body like this
Pretty sure I seized the wrong day
I see no good reason to act my age
Captain Awesome
I'm not like other kids, I'm in my 40s
Free shrugs
Have you tried turning it off and back on again
It seemed like a good idea at the time
Alcohol you later
Don't blame yourself - Let me do it
Why be difficult
But first coffee
I'm not as dumb as you look
Ew. People
May contain alcohol
Ladies, mansplaining is short for man explaining
Success trains failure complains
If i agreed with you, we would both be wrong
Sit on my lap and call me santa
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